Belts and Buttons

Belts and Buttons

OK.  I have always had a knack for making astute observations that generally cause those around me to share in my amusement.  Maybe not a knack, but it does sometimes happen.  What I actually have a knack for is forgetting the observation later and generally failing to recapture the whimsy when retelling the observation to the second group.  Congratulations.  You are in the second group so I will do my best to surpass your expectations. 

                I work for a large company with many locations throughout the country.  On a daily basis I would say I easily see more than 100 people.  My company caters to every type of person.  I have ample opportunity to observe people at their highs and lows.  I see people in pajamas, suits, and everywhere in between.  Sure, there are websites devoted to people whose attire is dirty, ironic, oxymoronic, and still more that show wardrobe malfunctions and a complete lack of clothing all together.

                Generally, I would say that when you laugh at someone for what they are wearing, or what they are attempting to wear, that person probably doesn’t care.  They don’t care that their shirt is too dirty.  They don’t care that their belly hangs over their pants.  They don’t care that corduroy pants are better at making weird noises when you walk than at making someone look fashionable.  Some people care about not caring so much that they make sure you realize how little they care about it (and then think they are cool because you noticed).  I actually get all that.  I have had the pleasure of being every one of these people at one time or another, except corduroy guy … I could never pull that off.

                Anyway, here is what I don’t get.  People who obviously care about the way they look and the image they are projecting yet seem to do everything they can to make it difficult.  I have three examples.  First, a young woman came into the office the other day and was sitting with a coworker.  When she got up to leave, I noticed she was wearing a skirt.  She stood and talked with my coworker for about 2 minutes.  She kept tugging at her skirt the entire time.  Yes, the skirt was short.  It was very short.  No amount of tugging was going to make it even close to an appropriate length.  She did not possess the arm strength to stretch this fabric into a modest size.  But she kept on tugging.  It was apparent, both to me and my coworker that she was embarrassed about just how little her skirt covered.

                Similarly, today a woman came in wearing a very low cut top.  She had a long sleeve shirt on top of that which was unbuttoned.  The entire time she was there, she had one arm or the other held in such a way to block her readily visible cleavage.  After she left, I asked a female coworker if she thought the girl was trying to cover up and she said “definitely.”  It’s not like she just couldn’t find clothes to fit.  She had a perfectly good shirt available to cover up had she simply used the buttons the manufacturer provided.  Yes I know that clothes makers are making it tougher for a woman to dress modestly but that is only half the battle.

                Finally, a man came in wearing gym shorts.  Think 1995 Michigan basketball.  These were long shorts.  They were made even longer by the fact that the waist band was completely below his butt.  He also kept tugging them up.  He would tug and they would sag.  He would tug again and they would sag again. Sag and tug. Sag and tug. Sag and tug. Sag and tug. Sag and tug. He was like the little engine that could.  Then when he left he made sure to get them nice and saggy again.

                All three of these people genuinely cared about the message they were sending with their clothes.  The problem is that they are all trying to send 2 contradictory messages.  The first says “this is what I want you to see.”  The second says “this is what you ought to see.”  But they can’t win the argument in their own mind between the modest and appropriate choice versus the attention seeking exhibitionist choice.  Society tells them to flaunt it, and they try even though it bothers them deep down.  Maybe we should spend a little more time praising the modest.  With that, I want to congratulate them on giving modesty a chance.  They are trying, whether they know it or not.  In the future I know saggy pants will pull up his shorts and give the extra material to short skirt.  Short skirt will explain to low cut and saggy pants how to use buttons and then they will all be more comfortable in their own skin.